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Dear Gen-

I have a great nanny. My son loves her dearly. In fact, he seems to prefer her over me. What should I do?

-Concerned in Ohio

Don’t let your nanny go. Many parents go through the same thing.

I don’t recommend the “rotating door” policy with nannies. Hiring and firing scores of nannies every time the child gets too attached is not a good idea. It’s subconsciously teaching your child not to let his guard down or become attached to anyone in his life, which isn’t good for his emotional growth. Kids appreciate stability and need that reassurance so they feel safe exploring the world.

You have selected a nanny who seamlessly has blended into your child’s life. You should be proud of this achievement, even if your child is rather attached to the nanny.

Here are some ways to stay connected to your child when you can’t be home:

Call home to say a quick hello. Just because you’re away from your child doesn’t mean that your thoughts are. Let him know that by calling to say hi and send your love. Don’t get crazy with this… no need to call every single time you leave the house. A sporadic call every so often will make the conversation a special, happy surprise.

Leave little love notes. If the nanny is putting an older child to bed, you can leave a little sticky note on the bathroom mirror for him to find when he goes in to brush his teeth. Or, stick a photo of you and your child in his book to replace his bookmark. Leaving little bits of yourself behind reminds your child of how much you love him whether you’re there or not!

Have the nanny talk about you even while you’re not around. Pre-prepare a meal, lay out your child’s pajamas, buy a special dessert or make some other small gesture, then have the nanny tell your child that “this is the snack Mommy made especially for you,” or “this is the outfit Mommy picked,” or “that is the super special dessert Mommy baked for you.”

Create a specific ritual that exists only between you and the child. This could be a secret handshake, a particular greeting anything, as long as it’s yours. This will strengthen the bond between you.

Here are a few articles about mommy guilt and missing milestones:

Tackling Mommy Guilt

How to Cope with Missing Milestones

Once you have found the ideal nanny, you can start the hiring process. Before extending an offer, you will need to interview the nanny and call the potential nanny’s references. You also need to perform a background check.

1. Check the nanny’s references. Call references and ask questions. Here are some good questions to ask:
   • How long did the nanny work for you?
   • Was he/she reliable and punctual?
   • What were the nanny’s main responsibilities? Was he/she only responsible for child care or was he/she required to perform other tasks?
   • Did the nanny interact well with your children?
2. If you are using a site such as Sittercity.com, review the caregiver’s feedback.
3. Interview the candidate in person. Observe them interacting with your children.
4. Run a background check on the nanny candidate.

Follow these steps and the nanny hiring process will be a breeze.

Once you have determined what you are looking for in a child care provider you are ready to start recruiting. There are a few recruiting options available when hiring a nanny. Consider your budget and safety when choosing the best option. Background checks and references are essential to the hiring process.

• Recruiting through Referral Agencies
  There are many local nanny agencies across the country. These agencies typically charge a fee of a few hundred dollars upfront. Then, when you hire a nanny through the agency, you will pay another fee of $2,000 - $5,000. As you can see, hiring a nanny through an agency can soon get very costly. Many parents cannot afford the added cost of using an agency.
• Recruiting through Classified Ads
  Another option is to find nannies in classified ads. You will have to pay a small fee to post an ad seeking nannies. However, it may be difficult to obtain background check and references for these nannies. Furthermore, some parents do not like to publish their contact information in a classified ad.
• Recruiting through Online Services
  Sittercity.com offers a online nanny finder. For a small fee you can search for child care providers in your area, run background checks and read other parent’s reviews. This is a much more cost effective way to find a nanny. Plus, with Sittercity’s four step screening process, you can rest assured that you will find a nanny who is perfect for your family.

Stay tuned for the next post: Hiring a nanny.

As a child care expert, I receive a lot of questions about the best way to find a nanny. This post is the first in a three part series about finding nannies. In this post I will outline some ways to determine what you will require of your nanny. This will insure that your nanny is a good fit for your family and children. It is important to determine what level of assistance you require before starting the recruitment and hiring process. Having a good idea of what you are looking for in a nanny will make finding a nanny a much smoother process.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before you begin your childcare search:

• Hours: What hours will you need the nanny to work? Will you need him/her to just work weekdays during the day, or do you need someone to watch the kids weekend and evenings also?
• Live-in or Live-out: Do you prefer a live-out nanny? Or would you like to find a nanny that will live-in? Consider your family’s comfort level with having another person living in your house. Do you have the space to accommodate another person?
• Child rearing style: What is your parenting philosophy? Think about what characteristics you require from a nanny? Are you seeking more of a disciplinarian or someone who is more relaxed? How would you like him/her to interact with your children?
• Duties: Will the nanny’s duties only be watching after the children? Or, will you require the nanny to complete household cleaning, cooking and laundry? Will you require the nanny to shuttle kids to and from activities and friend’s houses?
• Budget: How much can you afford to spend on childcare? Bargain nannies may not seem like such a bargain when he/she takes a higher paying job elsewhere. The Nanny rate calculator is a good place to start determining Nanny pay rates. Part time nannies may receive and hourly rate, while full time nannies are usually paid weekly.

Now that you know what you are looking for in a nanny, you can begin your search. The next post will cover recruitment.

Dear Gen,

My baby is constantly dropping her pacifier. Is there any way I can prevent her from going through 10 pacifiers a day?

Thank you.

-Frustrated in Chicago

How many times does your baby drop his pacifier onto the unclean floor? And the last thing you want to do is put a lint covered pacifier back in your child’s mouth. Luckily, we recently found a great new pacifier that changes that.

It’s called the AlwaysClean Pacifier from BebeSounds. It’s a self-closing pacifier that quickly protects the nipple by shielding it as soon as it falls out of your baby’s mouth. They say it’s comfortable too! There are also ventilation holes on each side of the attached, protective covering to help prevent irritation to your child’s skin.

The covering doesn’t just keep the pacifier clean when your baby drops it, it also protects it when it’s in your diaper bag or purse. Very innovative, if you ask us!

And the price for the pacifier? It ranges from $3-8 Here is a link to one of the cheaper pacifiers we found. It’s also available at Babies R Us and Motherhood Maternity, as well as several child specialty stores. If you get it, let me know how you and your baby like it. I bet your babysitter will like it too!

Dear Gen,

Nanny spying seems to be a big issue now. There’s a lot of stories on TV and on the web about a blog called I Saw Your Nanny. The site’s goal is to be a forum for all of the anecdotal reports of nanny and babysitter inappropriateness. In some cases, they are accused of neglect, in others of abuse, and in still others of making a date with a child’s father. Does it work? What does it mean for parents, sitters and nannies?

-Sally S.

Sally, at the end of the day, the answer is probably “not much.” The blog is centered on New York and anyone who has the time to sort through all the entries most likely doesn’t need a babysitter as much as an editorial staff. Many of the postings are either too vague to be useful or recount events open to interpretation. For example, one poster says they witnessed a mean looking sitter with a child and the child had bruises on his arms. One interpretation - the poster’s - is that the babysitter had abused the child. However, it is just as likely that the child fell off a bike or a swing. In any situation, you would think a parent would notice bruises and not have to read about it on a blog? If the abuse was really that bad, shouldn’t the poster have called the police or DCFS rather than post on an anonymous blog?

Having said all that, the blog is fascinating in that it has promoted a lot of discussion on important topics. Parenting is an art, people have very different ideas of how it should be done, and this blog puts a lot of that on stage. For example, how should children be disciplined? Some posters feel that yelling is too harsh, others that allowing a child to cry is distressing, but the fact that they observed other parents or nannies doing these things shows that not everyone agrees. What should children be fed? Some object to desserts, but others feel these are necessary pacifiers. It is crucial that parents and caregivers be aligned on these points. But perhaps it would be better to post questions or discussions rather than judgments?

It’s also vital that people not judge others too harshly from first appearances. While some of the posts on Isawyournanny may indicate real neglect or abuse, many could have other interpretations. It’s always useful to imagine what people might think of you yourself by seeing an action out of context. Have you let a curse escape as you tried to balance three shopping bags, collapse a stroller, get the kids into the car and find your keys in the driving rain? If so, you could find yourself on the next ac of the blog. Isawyourmommy anyone?

Dear Gen,

Now that it’s winter, I’m having trouble keeping my toddler busy. What are some activities we can participate in together?

-Cabin Fever in Chicago

Go Bowling
Again, you don’t have to leave the house to get the effect! As long as you can find several empty plastic bottles (soft drink liters or smaller bottled water works fine) and a light ball, you’re set. You can create an alley using cushions and help the toddler bowl - great way to work on hand-eye coordination too.

Creative Painting
Find a big piece of paper (this could get untidy) and some child-friendly paints. To make painting more creative, use a doily, some marbles, a straw and anything you find that has an interesting shape. Put the doily on the paper, paint over it and remove - such a fun pattern to see! As for the marbles, put blobs of the paint on the paper and roll the marbles all across. And for the straw, put another blob of paint down and she the toddler how to blow through the straw to create more original designs.

Visit a Virtual Zoo
Who says you have to take a field trip to get a good look at pandas, peacocks and komodo dragons? ToddlerToddler.com has a neat online zoo that you can take the tots to without even leaving the house. Visit the virtual zoo.

Masking Tape Painting
Having a toddler paint isn’t going to result in a easily understood result. To give the toddler that additional thrill of actually recognizing a “painted” image, grab some masking tape and “draw” a shape by laying the tape down on some paper. Give the toddler paint, a paintbrush, markers, a sponge - whatever - and let her go crazy. When she’s finished, remove the tape and reveal what she created!

Alphabet Posters
Complete with pictures, and upper- and lowercase letters, these coloring posters are wonderful for older toddlers. Print the black and white versions so the kids can color the pictures themselves - and engage them to think of other things that also start with that particular letter (maybe print out the letters that spell the toddler’s name and put it all together when they’re done!). View the alphabet posters.

Hope these ideas keep you busy this winter.

Dear Gen,

What should I know about poison control and how to quickly respond to issues?

-Hannah, one of Callie and Braeden’s babysitters

Great question, Hannah! Poison control is an issue babysitters and parents should be informed about. In 2005 kids younger than three years were involved in 38.1% of poison control cases, and 50.9% occurred in kids younger than six years. Kids 12 years and under accounted for over 1.2 million cases.

The Most Common Poisons Among Children

• Cosmetics and personal care products
• Cleaning substances
• Pain medicine/fever reducers
• Coins or thermometers
• Plants
• Diaper care, acne cream, antiseptics
• Cough and cold medicine
• Pesticides
• Vitamins
• Gastrointestinal medicine
• Antimicrobials
• Arts, crafts and office supplies
• Antihistamines
• Hormones and hormone antagonists (diabetes medications)
• Hydrocarbons (lamp oil, kerosene, gasoline, lighter fluid)

Poison Prevention Tips from the American Association of Poison Control Centers:

• Store medicines and keep household products locked up, where children cannot see or reach them.
• Store poisons, products, and medicines in their original container.
• Use child-resistant packaging and childproof your home.
• Read the label. Follow the directions on medicine and products.
• Are children around? Take the product or medicine with you to answer the door or phone.
• Lock products and medicines after using them.
• Is it medicine? Call it medicine in from of the child, not candy.
• Children learn by imitation. Take your medicine where children can’t watch.
• Poisons can look like food or drink. Teach children to ask an adult before eating or drinking ANYTHING.

First Aid Tips

Has the person collapsed or stopped breathing?
Call 911 or your local emergency number right away.

Did someone swallow the wrong medicine or too much medicine?
Get to fresh air right away and call 1-800-222-1222 immediately.

Poison in the eyes?
Rinse eyes with running water for 15-20 minutes and call 1-800-222-1222 immediately.

Poison on the skin?
Remove any clothing that poison has touched. Rinse skin with running water for 15-20 minutes. Call 1-800-222-1222 immediately.

It is important for babysitters to know what to do if a poison control situation arises. For more information visit: http://www.1-800-222-1222.info/

Dear Gen,

Is babysitting natural? Some of my more “down to earth” friends have discouraged me from using a babysitter.

- Bobby G.

Bobby, Would you have been more likely to look for babysitters on Sittercity.com if it were called AllomaternalCare.com instead?

The term Allomaternal Care may not roll off the tongue, but it is essentially the scientific term for babysitting when it is applied to animals in the wild. Several animals do exhibit babysitting behaviors naturally, and it will come as no surprise that these include some of the smartest ones out there - bottlenose dolphins, beluga whales, baboons, monkeys and chimpanzees.

There are a variety of theories as to why these animals (who probably don’t have the same crazy schedules as we do) choose to have babysitters. Some scientists theorize that the babysitters are learning to be parents themselves (a theory backed up by the fact that when a dolphin mother has a babysitter, she doesn’t go off and forage, instead she stays relatively close and uses the time to socialize). Others, including a naturalist at the Shedd Aquarium here in Chicago who works with the beluga whales, suggest that sometimes the parent just needs a little break.

And it seems that even among animals, some babysitters are better than others. For example, my favorite whale at the Shedd is Naya. Not only is she one of the most vocal singers (she and I are considering doing a concert together), but she’s also one of the best babysitters. The aquarium scientists introduce her first to new babies, including the recent birth just a few months ago. If she were a babysitter on Sittercity, she’d have several 5-star reviews.

It also seems that dolphins and whales follow a similar process to human in picking their babysitters. They are very wary with newborns and trust babysitters more and more as calves get older and “imprint” their mothers. Also, experienced moms are more likely to use a babysitter than first time moms.

So you can safely tell your friends that babysitting is perfectly natural and feel free to ask the dolphins for interview tips next chance you get.

Have a swimming time!