Ask Gen

Dear Gen,

Nanny spying seems to be a big issue now. There’s a lot of stories on TV and on the web about a blog called I Saw Your Nanny. The site’s goal is to be a forum for all of the anecdotal reports of nanny and babysitter inappropriateness. In some cases, they are accused of neglect, in others of abuse, and in still others of making a date with a child’s father. Does it work? What does it mean for parents, sitters and nannies?

-Sally S.

Sally, at the end of the day, the answer is probably “not much.” The blog is centered on New York and anyone who has the time to sort through all the entries most likely doesn’t need a babysitter as much as an editorial staff. Many of the postings are either too vague to be useful or recount events open to interpretation. For example, one poster says they witnessed a mean looking sitter with a child and the child had bruises on his arms. One interpretation - the poster’s - is that the babysitter had abused the child. However, it is just as likely that the child fell off a bike or a swing. In any situation, you would think a parent would notice bruises and not have to read about it on a blog? If the abuse was really that bad, shouldn’t the poster have called the police or DCFS rather than post on an anonymous blog?

Having said all that, the blog is fascinating in that it has promoted a lot of discussion on important topics. Parenting is an art, people have very different ideas of how it should be done, and this blog puts a lot of that on stage. For example, how should children be disciplined? Some posters feel that yelling is too harsh, others that allowing a child to cry is distressing, but the fact that they observed other parents or nannies doing these things shows that not everyone agrees. What should children be fed? Some object to desserts, but others feel these are necessary pacifiers. It is crucial that parents and caregivers be aligned on these points. But perhaps it would be better to post questions or discussions rather than judgments?

It’s also vital that people not judge others too harshly from first appearances. While some of the posts on Isawyournanny may indicate real neglect or abuse, many could have other interpretations. It’s always useful to imagine what people might think of you yourself by seeing an action out of context. Have you let a curse escape as you tried to balance three shopping bags, collapse a stroller, get the kids into the car and find your keys in the driving rain? If so, you could find yourself on the next ac of the blog. Isawyourmommy anyone?